American author Robert A. Heinlein once stated: “Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation”. Going through IVF, or fertility treatments, in general, can be an extremely taxing and frustrating process. Sometimes it can make you feel extremely stuck in negative thoughts, as all you want is that smiling face of your baby swaddled in your arms. First of all, know you’re not alone and understand that there are tons of people who may feel the same way as you. Second of all, understand that there are multiple ways to look at your situation. Dealing with the feelings can be difficult which is why it may be helpful to read our tips on coping here.
One of the best ways to handle a situation such as infertility is to view it from a positive point of view. This is because opportunity and choices both come from positive thoughts, inevitably making your tribulations easier to handle. In the name of positivity, let’s look at a struggle as an opportunity. The struggle is that you may have an issue becoming pregnant, but the opportunity being that you can still welcome a child into your home. This opportunity can easily come in the form of adoption. Even though it’s nice to feel that your child has biological ties to you, it is not necessary to be biologically connected to someone in order to be a parent. Webster’s dictionary defines a parent as “one who brings up and cares for another”, nowhere in that definition is there talk about biological connection. This is because inevitably the connection between a parent and child cultivates emotional connection and care. This practice is seen not only seen in the human world but throughout the animal kingdom in animals like Emperor Penguins and Gorillas, whom regularly will adopt those who have lost or strayed from their biological parents.
It is important to realize that no one’s situation is exactly, therefore it’s unhealthy to compare yours to someone else’s. If your main prerogative is to welcome a child into your home to nurture and guide through life, adoption can be such a rewarding and positive experience. As of April 2016, UNICEF estimated that worldwide there were a startling 140 million worldwide who fit into the category of an orphan. This startling number begs the question of the lack of beneficial structure that comes with growing up with parental figures. The New York Times Published an article stating the fewer that fewer than four percent of former foster kids earn a bachelor’s degree by the time they turn 24. The vulnerability that comes with being a child often comes with the need to find stability and a place where they belong, which is why a positive influence such as parents are of high importance. An example of this would be NFL player Michael Oher, whose life was based on the film “The Blind Side”. His biological parents were evidently unable to provide him with the life he deserved, with one being murdered and the other addicted to crack cocaine. At 16 Oher was taken in by the Tuohy family who saw his potential for being a productive member of society and their family, eventually becoming his legal guardians a year later. A year later he became an absolute force on his school football team and received offers from a plethora of Division One schools, eventually playing for the University Of Mississippi and eventually the NFL. If it weren’t for the kindness and patient the Tuohy family had, who knows where Oher’s life would have gone.
It is important to note that adoption has its own trials, with each child feeling differently about being adopted. If you are thinking of adoption it is important to be prepared to answer questions your child may have about their processes later on in life and explain your purpose for adopting them. There are a multitude of support groups and family therapists that can help you with the situation if this becomes necessary, which it does not always but is nice to have as a resource and community for your own questions and thoughts.
Even though adoption can be a considerably expensive option, there are many options going forward in order to bring your little one home. For example, in private adoptions, there are both federal tax credit and grants available. A less expensive option is also an adoption through the foster care system, which can at times be even more rewarding as kids in this situation have often lost hope on finding a forever home. The costs also can also be more fulfilling than justifying IVF as the guarantee you will receive a child is exponential higher through adoption compared to fertility treatments.
With all this being said, it is important to weigh the pros and cons of each possibility to make you a parent, as bringing a child into a family is no small feat. It is important for me to reiterate that there are so many people who have and are dealing with your same difficulties, this article focuses on the trials even people in Hollywood have faced if you would like to see how those in the spotlight have handled their situation. I hope that through this article you have realized that adoption can be a fabulous and rewarding option that can help a child in need of a loving and supportive home.